people annoy me so badly.
I really wasn’t designed for this life.
I just don’t want to deal.
and I’m too tired to argue or waste my breath,
cause it does no good.
I woke up with a nasty sore throat today from the cold, too.
I also don’t know how I’m going to make it through the semester coming up.
I have to put so much effort into faking being socially acceptable
and functioning in class,
when I really just count the minutes when it will be over in my head.
every semester is filled with me embarrassing myself.
At least this is my very last one.
I tell myself I can technically just make straight B’s and I’ll still have my degree.
It really doesn’t matter whether you get straights a’s or c’s.
Having straight a’s doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a not completely shitty job.
By May 2013, I’ll have my MA.
I know eventually I’ll have to return to school,
but maybe hopefully by then, I can study something less painstaking.
I wish I could have just escaped with you.
I think more and more that I would be ok with just keeping to myself save for one or two very close friends I can confide in. I just dont want to make friends or get to know new people, or just have anything to do with them in a work or school related sense even because they just end up being crappy and it’s too difficult to deal with them. I had way less problems before I cared about having any social life anyway. Maybe all I need outside of my one or two friend interactions are my nice tumblr peeps. Ha. Also, junk like Fb doesn’t help with how people brandish it to show off their latest achievements and acquisitions. At least after
May I will have graduated and can move on.. Even if I’m not sure to what exactly.. An even though the job market will cause me much heartache an grief.. Ha. Also.. Although it is 73 degrees in key west, the 40mph winds are not friendly.
I feel all out of it and lame today and I feel too embarrassed to try contacting you for the fear I’ll get ignored or something . and for the record, I felt out of place kinda when I went to npr, I couldn’t help it. I crashed again at 938pm last night, I was only supposed to sleep till midnight to go wash my hair and type more, but I didn’t get up till nearly twelve hours later at which point I washed hair and sat in front of maclette again. I feel sad and anxious at the same time and my bed prob smells like cigarette smoke now. This coming week is also most likely going to suck MAJORLY, MAJORLY from various aspects. I really just want to fall into a comatose sleep and have the next two weeks pass by..provided that when i woke up, all my school shit had been taken care of. I don’t want to deal with this environment right now, and I keep replaying what my mom said yesterday, If I was smarter and could actually work productively, this wouldn’t be happening now.
Sore throat cause of busted heater, mysterious cut on my nose, stomachache from yesterday, and a lame dream isn’t so fun. Day, turn around.
wow, what a shitty night..I’m sorry, but my sympathy only goes so far when people keep making the same mistakes, esp. these kinds. I honestly dk how you’ve survived this long either. you can’t tell me that this is supposed to be my life indefinitely. it’s absurd.
also, this essay is terrible. go me. uck
life would be easier if I could read people better. again, maybe it would just get garner me disappointment. I woke up with another stomachache fueled by stress, anxiety, and the usual lot. Do you know how you wake up sometimes and wonder if things really happened? Or was it all a dream? Last night on the drive back home, I had a real conversation with my mom for the first time since she visited, and it all just made me want to go back to Tampa, even if that makes me sound like a little kid. The first cold snap here makes me so physically uncomfortable..I feel paralyzed and shakey by the cold..to where I don’t want to move…bad, and then there is stupid winter itch…or maybe it’s just the cruddy pest management here, who knows? ha. leaving soon for sarasota